Mustard, Worms, and Tofu Burgers
by Ferret's Earmuffs
Summary: In which Beast Boy and Raven cook dinner and it doesn’t lead to anything.


This story emanated from a distant relative of the idea that produced the story "Laundry" I wrote a while back. It's another plotless story I wrote because I have nothing better to do but needed to do something anyway.

Hope you enjoy, and if you don't I'm sure it's not my fault.

I hope.

**Reused** **Disclaimer:  
**I do not own Teen Titans  
Although the show's divine  
I did not create Raven  
Or Beast Boy, he's not mine

* * *

Not too brilliantly, Raven had decided to cook dinner for the evening. With Beast Boy no less, so it was safe to say the teenage girl was running on her last nerve.

It had all started with Starfire standing innocently next to the kitchen cupboards.

"Where do we keep the pickled mustard, tuna, and chocolate sauce?" she had queried, slender hands clasped behind her back and orange head tilted to the side in her typical confused stance. Her question, let alone proximity to the stove, was a sure sign of bad things to come, so Raven had calmly informed her that they had no pickled mustard in the tower and she was more than willing to cook dinner if it would save Starfire the trouble of going out and buying some.

Beast Boy, remembering the pancake fiasco has jumped in immediately, claiming it could be a wonderful bonding moment.

So there they stood, green greasy-haired tofu eater and dark emotionally deprived sorceress, side by side in front of the mini fridge, sure to toil through hard, hot, spicy troubles, and sweet fluffy moments of goodness.

Or maybe something a little less suggestive.

"So… something vegetarian?"

Raven glanced at the shape shifter. Like hell she could cook! She'd be making whatever he told her to make, whether it be raw, green, and filled with slimy meat substitutes, or a simple tofu burger with ketchup. She couldn't think of anything herself, and anytime she tried, images of mustard, pineapples, and fried earthworms wriggled their way into her subconscious. Damn Starfire.

Shrug. "Whatever you want."

They stood there for a moment, not moving, not talking, and in Beast Boy's case, probably not thinking.

"Do you want to, I don't know… open the fridge?" Well he was just standing there like an idiot. Might as well get the ball rolling.

"Um, what's in it?"

Two week old pizza, a bottle of ketchup, a pair of old socks.

Another shrug from the empath.

They opened the fridge.

They closed the fridge.

"Never again." She had to fight back her gag reflex and the urge to plug her nose with rotting cheese. At least it would smell better.

Beast Boy looked thoughtfully at the fridge door. It sat in front of him, gleaming metallically in the harsh, artificial light of the main room. Raven wondered what he could be thinking.

_So _that's_ where my stankball went._

"Let's try the cupboard."

They rummaged through the cupboards, eventually pulling out a few meagre items of use, and pots and pans for cooking things… or playing like drums, depending on how immature you are.

"OK, so we're making tofu burgers. I'll write everything down and we'll work from there."

It was probably the first logical thought that came out of his head, so Raven let him proceed, even going as far as handing him paper and a pen.

They started by chopping vegetables. Everything went well, no fingers were lost, and the cuts were nice and even. Beast Boy was doing an amazing job of not annoying Raven, so her last nerve remained in tact. But Raven, as a human being (well, half human anyway), had to pee and left the green changeling alone in the kitchen. With the pots and pans. And a couple of wooden spoons.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?"

Beast Boy was standing on one foot on top of the stove with two spoons up his nose and a large pot covering his dark green hair.

"Playing robot walrus?" He stood up straighter and had the decency to look embarrassed. "You go to the bathroom really fast for a girl," he muttered blushing.

Raven brushed past him and jerked the spoons off his face. "I don't need you commenting on how fast I go to the bathroom," she growled.

Playing pots and pans like drums was for the immature. Playing robot walrus was for Beast Boys.

They mixed the ingredients together in silence, getting the patties ready. Raven pulled out a frying pan, careful to avoid anything with dandruff and hair gel, and helped Beast Boy get the food on the stove.

"So it should only take a few minutes on each side. Want to watch some TV?"

"Are you sure that's a good idea…"

Beast Boy brushed the thought away. "It's fine. I do it all the time."

So they went about their business.

While they were waiting, Robin entered the room with Cyborg and a circus elephant. They did some mysterious things and left. Raven read all the Twilight books and Beast watched The Wizard of Oz.

"Time to flip them!" The two leaned over the stove. It was the moment of truth. Could Beast Boy cook? Well, Raven had her doubts about that one.

Flip. Sizzle.

"They're perfect." Raven was in awe.

"Well I've done this hundreds of times. What'd you expect?"

They left the other side to cook and went about their business.

Raven opened I'm Now the Girlfriend of a Sex God and enjoyed every minute of it. Inuyasha broke though the window and beat up Naraku, left, and Beast Boy watched Scrubs.

"Ready to serve them?"

Raven shrugged and went for the plates and napkins, not that any of the guys in the house ever cleaned their faces. Soon the table was set and the titans were seated around it, burgers in front of them, and thanks to Raven's insistence, napkins on their laps.

"Looks good," said Robin.

"Oh most delightful!" shrieked Starfire.

"I don't taste any meat." Well there goes all that effort.

Beast Boy crossed his arms. "I refuse to cook with meat!"

"Well screw this, I'm going out for pizza. Anyone coming?" The other Titans shrugged and followed Cyborg out the door. That was usually how their days ended anyway.

_**The End.**_


End file.
